By Mrs. J. Wood (1882)
 

 For woman is not undeveloped man,
 But diverse:  could we make her as the man
 Sweet love were slain . --Tennyson
 

  CHAPTER I.

General Gullible begins his Narrative in an Autobiographical Vein--After some Commonplace Vicissitudes with the Pen, he takes up the Sword for a Season and proves Himself a Thirster after Corporeal, as well as Intellectual, Gore.

 Born of parents who were distinguished for their honesty as well as their wealth, there fell to the lot of Icarus Byron Gullible--myself--many advantages which a very large proportion of mankind dispenses with, resignedly or otherwise, from day to day and from generation to generation.
 I was blessed with an ideal home, a kind-hearted father, a fond mother, a beautiful sister.  All the comforts and innocent enjoyments which spring up at the utterance of that magic word, money, as well as such pleasures as are derived from a sunny, unselfish disposition and a keen appreciation of the humorous, gradually came within my range.  Above all, a robust health which made existence doubly desirable was mine from the moment I set life's machinery in motion with my first cry.
 But, alas, notwithstanding all these manifest favors of heaven--heir to a brilliant business future, had I so desired it--I was gifted with instincts which, as I grew older, were regarded with grave apprehension by my parents and with proper horror by my sister and her aristocratic intimates.  Upon the subject of a career I had but two ideas in my head (many have less during a lifetime, be it said to my comfort): one was to become an aerial navigator and mount from earth to heaven; the other, to become a newspaper king and pass judgment upon the world from day to day.  So absorbed was I in these images of my brain that insensibly they became wishes, warring with each other for supremacy.
 After graduating at college, I frankly acquainted my parents with my perplexity in deciding upon a vocation.
 "Ah, Fernando, dear, there is that unhappy family trait of yours coming to the surface more strongly than ever," said my mother, with tears in her eyes, when closeted with her lord.  "As a dutiful wife I shall not reproach you, but the breaking of my heart began when you named our boy Icarus.  Nay, forgive me if I do not express myself with more regard for your feelings, dear husband, but when I learned the meaning of that name--the unfortunate fable connected with it--I was deeply pained, and I have been still more deeply pained each time I have discovered in our son's disposition an inclination to carry out all that Icarus implies.  Oh, I can see him, flying toward the sun--his wings falling off as the wax which at first held them on melts away--the terrible sea beneath ready to receive him!  Will you not rather relieve him of the means of flight before he soars away and is lost to us forever?"
 My father promised that the wings of the ambitious gosling should be plucked out, even by the roots.
 "As for the other visitation--the editorial visitation," continued my mother, "I can accept it--you can accept it--as an alternative.  You know, my dear, a literary career, if successful, is not absolutely disgraceful."
 My sire stifled a sigh for the tastes of his ancestors which knew no palliation.
 "There was my paternal grandmother: you remember the rare literary talent she possessed," my mother went on.  "Her `Ode to a Necrophore, or Sexton-Beetle,' is ranked among the finest of its kind in English poetry, and has won for her a deserved niche in the Encyclopedia; while the exquisite humor of her `Maid who Wept Because She Could Not Weep,' has frequently been commented upon.  Dear grandmother, if she had only been a man and thus escaped the odium of being a `blue-stocking.'"
 "And you the happiness of being born," added my father, with a rueful attempt at pleasantry.
 "My love, you are an insufferable humorist," said my mother, with a melancholy smile.  "The dear old soul was not only a poet," she continued, "but a novelist as well.  I sometimes fear that the range of her intellect was altogether too wide.  For a luridly genial sensationalism, which soothed while it frightened, her stories were unexcelled.  How much comfortable and comparatively inexpensive horror her fifty-three volumes provided for those romantic souls whose pulses throbbed in unison with hers, I am not prepared even to estimate.  Fifty-three works! and she might have produced I know not how many more, had not death paralyzed her pen, at a ripe old age.  Why may Byron" (she disdained to call me Icarus), "not win distinction, therefore, in a somewhat similar direction, if follow his journalistic inclinations he must--spreading before thousands a daily banquet of excitement--fattening his readers upon horrors, so to speak?  As a matter of course I should feel far happier were he to choose his father's honored calling.  Banking is not only refined and aristocratic, but comfortable.  We will therefore make another effort with the dear child--just one, Fernando, before we give our final consent."
 "My boy, think twice before you decide," said my father, at the breakfast-table, mechanically figuring sums of interest upon the gilt-edged cup from which he sipped his fragrant Mocha.  "If, after all our present arguments, it is still your solemn conviction that you cannot, will not become a financier, we will establish you as a journalist.  But reflect, my son, that your future will be what you make it.  I have found great satisfaction in digging for the so-called Root of Evil--I will not say that you cannot be equally happy in the pursuit of another cherished ambition.  You are free, therefore, to choose between finance and the press."
 The pleading eyes of my mother and my sister appealed to me in vain.  With a firmness that astonished even myself, and a sigh for my twin passion which I now saw dissolving like a vapor in mid-air, relinquished forever, I chose journalism.
 Thus I was made proprietor of a new journal in our western metropolis and took rank as an editor.  In other words, I became a daily bather in the waters of tribulation, and a devout reader of the third chapter of Job.
 I soon discovered that the founding of a great newspaper is an achievement of which a Titan might well feel proud, and that I, far from being a journalistic Titan, was but a raw college visionary who placed too much faith in theories and abstract wisdom.  The day dawned all too soon upon which the Sheriff paid me an official visit.
 With the daily went down the last remnant of our family fortune, a run upon the bank, a few days previous, having paved the way for final disaster.  My heart-broken, once so proud-spirited, parents did not long survive the blow.  My dashing sister narrowly escaped a similar fate by marrying a Count whom she had dazzled at the foreign legation in Paris (Foreign legations, it may be remarked in parenthesis, are chiefly noted for furnishing titled paupers with the sport known as American heiress-hunting).  The wedding ceremony had scarcely been concluded when my father's ruin was cabled to the commercial centers of Europe and caused poetic justice to overtake my exalted brother-in-law, whom I have never seen to this day.
 I wandered to the national capital and called upon the illustrious representative whose election to office had been one of my last newspaper tasks.  I found him in comfortable, not to say luxurious, circumstances, to my inexpressible relief; for, having been instrumental in thrusting him into office, as it were, I felt in a measure responsible for his welfare.
 Strange to relate, however, he had acquired what was known as a conveniently absent memory--a valuable article in the outfit of statesmen, I was subsequently informed.  When I acquainted him with the change in my fortunes, he deplored the threatened shortness of the wheat crop.  When I confessed that I coveted a clerkship, he almost wept because the peach-blossoms had suffered uncommonly from spring frosts, and added something about vineyards and the phylloxera.  These slothful unaverted disasters he generously promised to hurl into the teeth of his political opponents during the coming debate, as proof incontrovertible that the country was fast progressing canineward.
 I fled.
 Through the kindness of an eccentric but influential New York journalist, who, notwithstanding his rough exterior, had not caught the prevailing fashion of turning the cold shoulder upon his fellowmen, I was rescued from my dilemma.  He secured for me a position in which, after two years of dogged toil, I was rewarded with another smile from the sphinx [sic]-like face of Fortune.  I stood under a floral marriage-bell, and held by the hand an accomplished and handsome bride--one who was not only of good family, but had an ample fortune.  My friends congratulated me and marvelled at my luck.
 I will pass with a few bounds over the next twenty years of my existence.  Five years of marital felicity brought us to the firing of the initial gun upon Sumter.  As a loyal citizen, a descendant of New England patriots, it behooved me to fashion my pen into that sword which for four years I kept unsheathed upon the battlefields of my bleeding country.  Retiring from the service at the close of the war with the rank of general, and a number of scars of which it would be indelicate to make more than passing mention, I once more embarked in a newspaper enterprise by establishing the Millionsport Monitor, weekly, at two dollars per annum, strictly in advance.

  CHAPTER II.

General Gullible Discloses certain Facts concerning his Father's Illustrious Lineage, and thereby Fully Accounts for his own Lamentable Aeronautic Tastes--The Mystery in the Garret of the Monitor Office--What Ten Years of Silent Labor Brought Forth.

 Upon my father's side I am a lineal descendant of the celebrated French family of Montgolfier, whose bright particular star--one Jacques Etienne--had the honor of first inventing air-balloons and of founding the noble science of aerostatics.  This practical apostle of progress lived a life of gaseous usefulness until 1799.  Our branch of the family was not in France at that time, but this fact did not prevent its members from indulging the trait on account of which the name has claimed the attention of posterity.  It is recorded that upon the very day that Etienne, assisted by his brother, sent up his first hot-air experiment, a fifth cousin of his, on our side, gallantly broke his neck by falling from a new kind of parachute with which he attempted to descend from a church steeple.  By mentioning these matters of family history I shall unlock to the world the secret of my much-lamented flying mania.
 It is a sufficiently obvious fact that the illustrious name of Montgolfier has not descended to me in all its native purity, but rather in a form which its original owner might hardly recognize.  But this is explicable.  The name made its way to England shortly after the War of the Roses, in the person of one Antoine Henri Montgolfier, who came, saw, and was conquered by a British beauty.  We must not lose sight of the name, however.  The inhabitants of our mother island--displaying the same gentleness with which they once met the minions of Caesar in the surf--soon lopped off its beautiful head and changed it to Golfier.  The next transformation, many years afterwards, was to Gollifer, and finally it became Gulliver.  In the last-named form it emigrated to America, and here capped the climax by resolving itself into the still more idiomatic, Gullible.  Learned philologists who make the derivation of names and other words a study, will recognize the beauty and naturalness of this deduction.
 I will also explain here, what I might have done before, that my scheme of establishing the Monitor (named in honor of our famous ironclad) was but a cloak which concealed a deeper design.  The trait whose history I have briefly outlined had not remained dormant all these years.  How often, alas, when walking under the clear blue sky, had my eyes turned wistfully to the empyrean!  My thoughts dwelt there, alike at home among the surging crowds, in the stillness of the park, or on the torrid march in southern climes where I had more than once looked up through the bullet-storm and hoped for death, in order that my spirit might roam where my body, as yet, could not.  But these were only vagaries, and when they had passed away, I was glad that I was spared.  I had my plans, and was slowly maturing them.  The Monitor was a compromise between my two inherited instincts.  This model country weekly was projected upon the most approved plan, a huge pair of shears being installed as by far the most diligent member of my staff.  Thus I was enabled to devote the greater portion of my time to the solution of a fascinating problem upon which my heart was set, and which I fondly hoped would shed additional luster upon the aeronautic family of which I was a humble descendent.
 When but a little child I often pored wisely over a well-thumbed copy of Old Mother Goose, which had a peculiarly attractive illustration upon the title page.  It is familiar to all--a quaint old woman, perched upon the back of a white gander, riding through the air.  It was in those hours of sunshine that a first inkling of my great scheme must have come to me.  Then again, during boyhood, the marvellous [sic] flights of Munchausen, between the wings of an eagle, and the aerial journeys of other daring voyagers who were generally picked up at random by the bills of flying prodigies, caused me no end of speculation.  The serious objections to these modes of travel did not fail to impress themselves upon me, in time.  In the first place, the traveler was compelled to remain outside, exposed to all the fury of the elements.  Secondly, the day of starting upon a journey, the destination, and the time of arrival, were too vague and uncertain.  Thirdly, these animated conveyances were subject to hunger, thirst and fatigue during their flight, and might at any time command the passenger to hew off one of his limbs, for food, on pain of being dashed to death.  But, notwithstanding these dangers, I frequently yearned for the opportunity to try even so rugged an experiment, secreting myself for days in a lonely dell in the vain hope that a monster might snatch me up in its talons and bear me into the clouds.
 Nothing remained, therefore, but to invent a bird against which no objections could be urged--a winged messenger which could laugh at those now pitiful contrivances called balloons, which are the sport of every breath from heaven, and the playthings of clouds.  Meteorology, chemistry and mechanics, as applied to aerostation, had been my favorite studies at college as well as during the leisure hours of my subsequent life.  After the birth of the Monitor I secured the cooperation of eminent men of science, brother inventors and practical engineers, who were soon as completely absorbed as I in my magnificent project.  Patiently we experimented, toiled and hoped, meeting only at night, for prudential reasons; and for ten years an impenetrable mystery enshrouded the upper story of the building from which the Monitor shed its benign influence fifty-one times a year.  Not a soul save those entrusted with the secret and bound by a Freemason-like silence, ever crossed the threshhold [sic] of our workshop.  After surmounting many disheartening failures, success, as it always does, at last crowned our efforts, and the American Eagle was the result.
 It is no uncommon thing for inventors, whose inventions are protected by letters patent, to give elaborate descriptions of their successes, but as a patent has not yet been applied for, in my case, I am constrained to be more guarded.  A few general remarks upon the appearance of my Bird of Freedom--I had chosen the eagle form for scientific as well as patriotic reasons--may not prove injudicious, however; and the nature of its motive power I may also disclose with safety, for the pirate who could produce an imitation is yet unborn.
 I shall sound no unfamiliar name when I mention the Killye Motor, that dazzling invention which burst upon the world in all its audacity but a few years ago, and filled the speculative mind with dreams more visionary than those which trouble my friend Colonel Sellers.  It is perhaps even now loudly boasted in America that the little giant is about to revolutionize all known methods of artificial locomotion.  This it may do, but not at present--not before I give my permission.  The truth is, I have induced the benevolent president of the Motor company to part with the essence of his invention--the demonstration.  By our contract, which antedates all other obligations on his part, he reserved the right to continue his practice of selling stock and making promises.
 The Killye Motor (improved), then, propels the machinery of the American Eagle.  The length of this curious bird is as many feet as there are States in the Union.  The wings, when outspread, exceed its length by about four-tenths.  The body is extremely well proportioned, and its interior is perfectly air-tight.  A door in the right side admits the voyager to a brace of apartments, both neatly furnished.  The first chamber, fronting upon the breast, is semicircular in form.  Among the articles it contains is a perfect fountain of life--an apparatus which supplies fresh oxygen and destroys the carbonic acid gas thrown off by the lungs, enabling me to navigate the higher regions of the atmosphere with comfort, nay, making even a journey into airless space possible.  Next in importance ranks the unique warming machine, designed to counteract the frost of the coldest known regions.  The heat is produced by a secret process. and can be regulated at pleasure and distributed equally in the apartments.  Besides these things the room contains all manner of scientific instruments and chemicals.  The windows, for the purpose of obtaining light and making observations, are ample, and consist of heavy plate glass.  The second, or rear chamber, contains all the necessaries of life, fuel, oil and other articles indispensable for a long journey.  The uninhabited portions of the Eagle, consisting of at least two-thirds of the space covered by its skin, is filled with a new, powerful and hitherto unapplied gas, which would suffice, unaided by the motor-driven wings, to counteract terrestrial gravitation.  The outer surface, or skin, of the bird is of a texture which was specifically chosen because it would not allow the rarest gas to escape, and moreover could defy the gathering moisture from the clouds, thus enabling me to dispense with the alternate discharges of ballast and gas which usually bankrupt the flight of balloons.
 Taken all in all, the craft, when finished, was indeed a prodigy of human ingenuity--if there is any egotism in the remark, I apologize for it.  Well might one of my colleagues say, "A more perfect bird never cleaved the ocean of space."
 

  CHAPTER III.

General Gullible's Memorable Midnight Departure--The American Eagle flaps its Wings in the Arctic Regions--Lost, and Drifting Whither?

 Deathless, with all its agonies of hope and fear, its solemn sorrow and wild exultation, will the last night of my sojourn on earth remain.  It was midnight on the first day of summer proper, in the year eighteen hundred and seventy-five.  I arose from my sleepless couch, as the hour drew nigh, impressed a last kiss upon the brow of my slumbering wife, kissed also my unconscious children, and then glided like a phantom from our happy home.
 In the apartment where the Eagle reposed in all its pristine glory, my colleagues waited for me in feverish expectancy, while the well-fed kerosene torches threw a lurid light upon the scene.
 Five minutes to twelve o'clock and all was in readiness for the start.  As I stepped among them one youthful enthusiast threw himself at my feet and begged for leave to accompany me.  This was contrary to our compact, however, and firmly, yet gently, I was forced to repulse him.
 After giving my final instructions, and reminding all of our solemn agreement, I took personal leave of each trusted and honored co-worker and entered my apartment in the Eagle.  The air-tight door was closed, the cables were cut, and the buoyant craft ascended through the opened roof.  Once out in the clear, still summer air, I touched the secret spring connected with the motor and its invisible machinery, whereupon the great wings expanded and with several enormous flaps lifted the gallant air-ship upward and onward into space.  The secret of steering lay in the rudder-like tail, which, by means of a lever, was pulled in whatever direction I desired to go.
 The wonderful success with which my initial flight was accomplished--the grandeur of my new situation--raised my feelings almost to the pitch of madness.  The first frenzy of joy over, I made an effort to calm myself.  I turned my thoughts to the world that was fast receding from me in the inky darkness (for there was no moon).  I prayed that my loved ones should be comforted in their hours of weary watching for him who might never return.
 The American Eagle was making rapid progress.  I gazed upon the bright dial of the speed indicator as one in a dream.  Hours had passed, perhaps, when a small voice startled me by exclaiming:
 "Man, man, oh, trivial heir to great presumption, embowelled in destruction, does not the whirlwind of its pinions already roar thy death song?  Return!  Return! for why wilt thou ride in the same chariot with death?"
 "I am a searcher for a region which centers in the Arctic circle--I seek the North Pole, where the mystery of centuries awaits solution!"  That was my reply, as I glared about me in search of the hidden scoffer.  "In company with death, indeed!  Come forth, base craven, and I will convince you that I am as safe as an infant in his cradle!"  But nothing came of my challenge.  I was alone.
 By the narration of the foregoing incident the full importance of my undertaking is made clear.  I would not only fly, but turn my flight to practical account and stop the further sacrifice of heroic lives by polar expeditions.  My voyage was to be kept a secret for ten years, unless I succeeded in my undertaking before the expiration of that time.  In the event of a message from me that I had discovered land at the Pole, my comrades were at once to patent my invention and organize a company, with a capital of ten million dollars, for the manufacture of a line of Eagle air-ships.  These were to carry all kinds of passengers to the new American possessions, at remunerative rates.  Then should be unlocked to the gaze of my countrymen the paradise in which bald-headed Eternity had lain napping so long while, amid green fields and murmuring brooks, wild birds fed undisturbedly upon wonderful cereals which are found in the crops of those that stray southward and are shot by veracious sailors.
 When morning came and mother earth shook off her coverlid of fog, I guided the Eagle downward, in order to obtain my first bird'seye view of our common parent.  How my heart throbbed when through my glass I beheld her verdant countenance, and knew that the dream of my life was realized at last!
 The Bird of Freedom was skimming over the northern portion of the Canadian peninsula, between the great lakes, and had kept its course with marvellous [sic] accuracy.
 Rising again, in order to escape observation, I turned my attention to the illimitable plains of blue.  On, on we went, earth again fading away in the clouds.
 During my waking hours, when not occupied in writing, or attending to the various pieces of apparatus, or in observing the heavens, I devoted myself to literature.  Among the treasured volumes I had brought with me I found many numbers of the Congressional Record, and with these I beguiled the tediousness of many an hour when tired of duller reading.  The witty speeches of our statesmen were my especial delight.  Who could withstand the humor of those passages marked "[laughter]" and "[loud and continued laughter]"?  Who could fail to see the necessity of "[applause]" and "[tremendous applause]"?
 Next morning I passed the extreme eastern portion of Hudson Bay.  In the evening a violent storm came upon me from the west.  I might have escaped the encounter by a lengthly [sic] upward flight, but in my eagerness to test the endurance of the Eagle I did not take the precaution.  I turned and faced the furious gust.  The result was terrible.  The Eagle quivered from beak to tail.  The machinery worked bravely, but it was impossible to maintain even a stationary position.  I decreased the motor's working pressure and allowed myself to be carried rapidly eastward.
 When the storm had abated, next day, I beheld what I judged to be Iceland, lying at my feet.  The Eagle had been blown, without sustaining any injuries, transversely over the Atlantic and the southern portion of Greenland.  After some maneuvering I sighted Reikjavik and fixed my helm due north.  No doubt the early risers of the capital viewed me--or rather the Eagle--through their telescopes, for I descended quite low.  The Daily Framfari may subsequently have given a description of the strange phenonmenon [sic] which faded from view as suddenly as it appeared.
 During the next two days I occasionally refreshed myself with draughts from the Congressional Record, and had I not forgotten to bring with me my Agricultural reports my happiness might have been complete.  Two nights in succession I slept soundly, when lo! a revolution, such as man had never before experienced, stared me in the face.
 The extreme cold necessitated the constant use of my heating apparatus.  Every time I descended leagues of glistening ice, furrowed by mountains and glaciers, stretched before my astonished eyes.  Here and there a polar bear who had wandered from the open sea sat upon his haunches and stared stupidly at the intruder above.
 It was upon the morning of the fifth day, when I could with difficulty keep the frost from forming fantastic figures upon the windows, that I beheld the sight which communicated stiffness to my hair and caused me to turn, like a doomed mariner, from human aid to that on high.
 I had in my time beheld Niagara at midnight.  From its parapets I had viewed the blurred disc of the moon through  vapors which spoke the anguish of falling waters.  I had looked down into the black depths beneath the falls, where sullen roar battled with sullen roar, while moaned the waves which daily gnash their white teeth against the rocks.  I had gazed into that monster basin until its majestic gloom caused me to imagine that evil spirits of bygone centuries revelled in its air.  I had stood upon the brink of Etna's crater, in a storm whose birth was farthest removed from noon, and heard the hoarse thunder bellow in the fearful caverns until the rugged edges cracked and crumbled and the chasm seemed filled with blaspheming demons of the nether world.  All this--but never before had I beheld a sight which could compare with the present one.
 Below me, apparently boundless in diameter, rolled the gulf of gulfs.  Its mysterious depths were not entirely black, but glistened part white, all horrible.  With companions to share my amazement, I should perhaps have felt like Satan and his crew upon discovering the Miltonic hell.
 My hand trembled when I attempted to steer the Eagle back to safety--my head swam--my senses seemed to forsake me--I knew not what I did--my air-ship was diving headforemost into the howling wilderness of space below!
 Was it jugglery?  Had I, after all, turned about and not descended?  And was I even now retracing my course through the Arctic regions?  Or was I lost?
 I recalled, with no particular pleasure, the warning voice which I had so defiantly silenced at the outset of my journey.
 I tried in vain to catch a glimpse of the heavenly bodies--I missed even the Aurora Borealis.
 My eyes did not close in sleep; all night, according to my watch, and all next day, I drifted I knew not whither--like a new Mahomet--onward to the great No-land, or perhaps to eternity.
 CHAPTER IV.

General Gullible discovers what he supposes are the Western Shores of the Atlantic--He lands in a
 new Eden--The American Eagle and its Owner attacked, overpowered and crushed to Earth.

 After two more days of random flight stretches of open sea again became visible in the enormous fields of ice, and indications of land appeared here and there.  In one of the straits half-a-score of slowly-sportive whales were enjoying their huge existence.  The temperature, too, had gradually risen and, taking all these thing into consideration, I became convinced that I was going southward.
 Upon the morning of the eighth day since my departure from home I found myself above a vast body of water, bearing to my hungry eyes a close resemblance to our boisterous Atlantic.
 Assuming that it must be that ocean, I veered to the right in order to reach the eastern coast of America, from whence, my bearings once more established, I intended to make another effort to reach the Pole.
 Another half-a-day and, like a second Columbus, I discovered land in the west.  But I was sorely puzzled by its shape; as far as my instruments allowed my vision to range, I could not find a cape or bay described in my geography.
 Upon approaching the shore I began a descent, but a second survey of the situation soon arrested my progress.  The Eagle had been sighted and caused a great commotion among the inhabitants.  Even soldiers in uniforms wrung their hands and indulged in unmanly gestures.  Some fifty of the bravest had gathered and were preparing to send what I judged to be huge signal rockets against my beloved craft.  Undesirous of courting so warm a reception, I winged my flight upward and inland at the utmost speed, leaving the coast and its excited population to breathe freely again.
 I had covered less than two hundred miles when I ventured another descent from my region of solitude.  I was becoming more and more anxious to determine what strange country, if not my own, I had strayed into, and how I might best regain the course leading to my destination.
 Judge of my surprise when I alighted upon a stretch of country where I could discover no human habitation for miles in every direction--a spot which rivalled the garden of our first parents in beauty and fascinated me to such an extent that I did not scruple to try the dangerous experiment of landing.  I longed to feel the velvety carpet under my feet and know that it was all reality.
 I accomplished my purpose by inclining the Eagle's course toward the ground and running the machinery at full speed, thus overcoming the buoyancy of the bird by a pressure even more enormous than that brought to bear upon a political candidate to induce him to accept a nomination.  I might have avoided this by opening the gas-valve, but it was not my intention to waste the precious floating power before accomplishing my mission.
 Opening the door in the Eagle's side, I bounded upon the ground and for a few moments reeled like one intoxicated, so unaccustomed to the solid earth had I become.  I left the Eagle to flap in a comical agony and started upon a short ramble, wondering to myself whether, after the manner of the princes in the fairy tales, I should meet with an adventure.
 Far and near the country lay basking--not in the afternoon sun, for I could find no blinding orb in the heavens--but in a mellow, subdued light that was like the bloom upon a ripened peach: a dreamy and poetic illumination, comfortable and refreshing in its beauty.
 I was delighted with the flowers, the vines and the rich-tinted fruits which grew here in wild profusion.  I listened to the siren-throated birds which warbled in the trees; I sniffed the odors of nature's sweet distillings with which the air was laden.
 A silvery lake was laughing to me out of a delightful green arbor.  I proceeded towards it, intent upon refreshing myself by a plunge into its limpid waters before eating of the products of the enchanted forest--for such the place resembled much.  Before me, at some distance, bounded a herd of frightened deer, while rabbits and squirrels leaped nimbly out of my way--the latter climbing the nut-trees and chattering a voluble welcome.
 I had dived to the white-sanded bottom of the lake and swum half-way to the opposite shore, when a harsh noise broke upon my ears.  Turning about and looking through the opening among the foliage, I beheld a dozen large hawk like birds, pouncing upon the American Eagle and rending the air with their shrieks of triumph.
 Taking it for granted that I was the only human being in the neighborhood, I ran to the rescue in all my newly-acquired innocence and attempted, by means of stones and other missiles, to drive away the savages of the air.
 The noise was at its height when afar off, to my discomfiture, a troop of mounted soldiers or hunters burst into view.  Happily they failed to perceive me, and, scampering off as fast as my extremities would bear me, I hurriedly dressed and returned to the seat of war, just as the curious squad drew rein.
 I have used the word curious advisedly, for the men were all beardless, short of stature, and to my heightened imagination bore a marvellous [sic] resemblance to the Assyrian eunuchs upon some ancient bas-reliefs which had been presented to me by an eastern traveler and which made excellent imposing-stones in the Monitor office.
 They tied their horses to the trees and approached in a cautious manner, carbines in hand.  While their eyes were riveted upon the Eagle, and a number hastily made the sign of the cross, the leader delivered a martial oration in an unmartial voice.  From it I gathered that monsters of some sort had worked great devastation in the land; that a large reward was offered by the government for their capture, dead or alive; and that my air-ship was regarded as a gigantic specimen.  When the order to fire upon the Eagle was about to be given I sprang in front of the weapons and cried out:
 "Gentlemen, in the name of the United States of American I command you to desist and await my explanation.  This is not a monster; neither is it a bird, as might be inferred from its shape and actions, but a flying-machine.  Were you to offer it violence and cause the gas it contains to find sudden outlet, an explosion, with serious consequences, would follow."
 Their pale faces blanched a trifle more as the warriors fell back a pace or two.  All stared in a strange, incongruous fashion at myself and the American Eagle.
 "I am an American citizen," I continued, "an aerial navigator who has been plunged into chaos by an indiscriminating fate.  I have trespassed upon your shores for the purpose of regaining my lost course, and for that purpose only.  If you will assist me to that end I shall thank you sincerely and resume an interrupted Arctic journey which is of great moment to the civilized world."
 Although we spoke the same language, much that I said was evidently unintelligible to them and provoked unseemly laughter.
 "Poor shehe," said the leader, "her mind is diseased.  Take her away and guard her well while we dispatch the monster which is even now preparing to attack us!"
 "What," said I, exasperated beyond control, "do you call yourselves men and guardians of the peace, and come here to rob a stranger in distress!  Fie upon you!  Despite your firearms, your hearts are more cowardly than those of weak, defenseless women.  Were there not so many knaves of you, or were I but armed, I would teach you what becomes a man!"
 "What, a heshe?" cried all in the same breath.
 "What, what, a heshe in disguise!" stormed the leader.  They formed a semi-circle about me, with carbines levelled at my heart.
 I continued my protest against the outrage and threatened to appeal my case to the nearest United States consul, when one of the soldiers approached and thrust a small vial under my nose, silencing me effectually.  I sank upon the ground; my limbs and muscles became paralyzed, while a sickening dread filled my heart.  Strange to say, however, I was not unconscious and retained my powers of sight and hearing.
 For a few minutes they debated whether to riddle the Eagle with bullets or secure it by means of lassos.  Their council of war was not concluded when a sharp report reverberated on the air and a hissing sound issued from the back of the air-monarch, sending a dagger into my soul.
 The seemingly imperishable material had given way, and the bulky form of the Eagle fell to the earth, inert and lifeless as its owner.  Fortunately the motor-valve had been closed by the shock, thus suspending the action of the wings.
 My captors fled as if an earthquake was upon them, executing capers which would have put bedlam out of countenance.  So grotesque was their confusion that, despite my loss, I felt like laughing boisterously.  But even this comfort was denied me.
 CHAPTER V

Return of the Terrible Beardless Men--Captain Pantaletta's Bloody Deed--General Gullible is carried into ignominious Captivity--He trembles before the President of the Republic of Petticotia.

 When my enemies returned they were accompanied by a second body of troops, also numbering about fifty men.  The reenforcements were commanded by a most singular being who reminded me of an escaped jack-in-the-box.  He was tall, angular, ugly-faced and wore his garments as the rhinoceros does his hide, loosely and without taste.  In spite of all this, however, there was something in his bearing which said, plainer than words, "You may regard me as eccentric, but I am not a fool."  The moment he espied me he clasped his hands and advanced with eager, impassioned strides:
 "Give me still another pair of eyes that I may feast my fill!  It seems--yes, it is--a perfect specimen!  Minions, advance," to his command, the members of which were laughing and chatting as they regarded the Eagle from a distance.  "I claim him for myself," he continued, pointing his bony finger at me--"let no vulgar hand presume to touch what I now and henceforth call mine own."
 The leader of the company which had the honor of subduing me here drew himself up haughtily and spoke as follows:
 "Captain Pantaletta, will you oblige me by remembering that this is my prisoner?"
 "Now by the Shah of Sheheland, you have well spoken!" snorted the individual addressed.  "Remember?--Your prisoner?  I will oblige you by remembering it, and more too.  I will remember that I am your uncrowned monarch--yours and all your kind, for it was I that had the lion's share of work in procuring your emancipation.  Remember?--that I have never received emolument or gratitude that was not tinged with wormwood!  Remember?--that they all fear me and refuse me office, because, forsooth, I am over-ambitious and revolutionary.  Remember?--that I am a miserable captain in the guards, when I should be president!  Remember, finally, that when I claim something in which you can have no possible interest, you--also a petty officer of the guards--even you thwart my wishes!"  Then turning to the soldiers, "Minions, withdraw!  Ride a mile into the forest and then return, for I have something to say to Captain Pouter which has been upon my mind for many days, and I would not whisper it before you.  Withdraw, I say, and let the others bear you company."
 "Pantaletta, you would not kill me," said Captain Pouter, who had grown ashen pale while the troops departed; "I know you are stronger and more deft at swords than I."
 "You will abandon all claims to the prisoner, then," demanded Captain Pantaletta.
 "I will see him executed first--better that than to fall into your clutches," replied Captain Pouter.
 "Ah, you love him," sneered Pantaletta, "and would ask him as a reward from the President.  But I swear you shall not have him!  I will expose your treason first--aye, grow paler still, for I have the proofs of your crime, and that means--off goes your head!"
 "You dare not expose me.  Your own safety depends upon it," replied Captain Pouter, feigning carelessness.  "You know that my mouth has too long remained sealed for your benefit."
 "Give me the prisoner, then, and let us remain friends."
 "Never!"
 "You confess, then, that you love him."
 "And were it so," replied Captain Pouter, once more self-possesed [sic], "it would not concern you--you frontispiece of--what shall I say?--oh, yes, the Book of Beauties!"
 "Now may the devil (if devil there be) receive your soul (if you have a soul!)"  With these words of rage, Pantaletta rushed forward and grasped Captain Pouter by the hair.  The latter's sword fell from its sheath.  I plainly saw Pantaletta seize the weapon and, planting its point against the other's breast, draw that unfortunate person down upon it with inhuman fury.  The deed was quickly done and fatal in effect.  The first screams of the victim brought to hand a Sergeant, who, anticipating mischief, had lingered near.
 Aware of the agitated underling's approach, Pantaletta turned to the prostrate body and exclaimed:
 "Great heavens, she is killed!  We quarrelled; she drew her sword upon me, stumbled and fell.  See, mine is in its sheath, while hers is full of blood!  Sergeant, call the troops, summon the surgeon--you saw her fall, did you not, Sergeant?"
 "Yes," came the significant answer, "I saw her fall!"
 When the Sergeant had disappeared behind the distant shrubbery, Captain Pantaletta's whole bearing underwent a change.  Walking back and forth she alternately wrung her hands, stopped, meditated, and made exclamation, as follows:
 "Murder?--who accuses me of murder?  She was my dearest friend and you know I would not harm her.  Were we not playmates together in my mother's cottage by the little rippling brook--I hear the music of its waters, even now. . . `Pantaletta, Pantaletta, would to heaven you were a boy,' said my mother, combing out my knotted curls; `you have a boy's nature and it is hard to make you girlish and womanlike.' . .  Back, back, dreams of my youth!  Let me brush them away as I do these beads of sweat from my brow, for I have murdered her--No, no, no! she would have slain me, and it was an accident.  Coward!  Coward that I am!  Not Pantaletta, but that detested thing, a coward.  I, who slept in haunted places at night and dared my companions to do likewise--I afraid!  But it is my first deed of blood, and it makes me shudder.  May heaven (if there be a heaven) pardon it. . .  They come--they will see my agitation and read my guilt. . .  There--now I am ready for the coolest debate in the land.  I will prove that this question is two thousand years old--much older than I and you.  Your mirth proves that shehes are not without a sense of humor. . .  It is time for us to begin knocking at the doors of the Legislature. . .  Yes, let us have a Lower House where our representatives can watch all bills affecting the shehe's welfare. . .  I tell you she does not listen with delight, as she once did, to the poetical figure of the trellis and the creeping tendril.  She will have no more of the oak and the gracefully clinging vine. . .   False, false every word of it--we do not contend that she shall become noisy or dictatorial and abjure the quiet graces of life.  . . . Hiss, ye serpents, ye have nothing else to offer! . . . There is one redeeming feature in a mob--it pays all expenses and leaves a surplus in the treasury."
 These singular and incoherent ravings were interrupted by the reappearance of the soldiery.  To these Captain Pantaletta promptly issued all the necessary orders.
 A coach-and-four for me, and a large wagon drawn by eight horses, for the American Eagle, were in readiness.  After I was lifted into my quarters two guards were detailed to attend me within.  Then we whirled away from the strange scene.
 My mind was a wilderness of conjecture as I reclined, still rigid and helpless, upon the cushions.  Where was I?  What manner of people were these?  Such and scores of other questions I asked and left unanswered.  If my language to them contained unintelligible features, how hopelessly at sea was I in my attempt at comprehending theirs.  They called me shehe at first; then a heshe in disguise.  The rival captains were women, it was clearly evident, but did all the officers share their sex?  And were the rank and file, too, inferior men?  Pshaw! women as soldiers!  Or was the fable of the Amazons not all fable?  I scrutinized my guards closely, and listened to their conversation.
 "The heshe has, then, really maligned and blasphemed the shehes?" asked one.
 "Yes, most horribly.  All the members of company D will be called as witnesses, of course.
 "And about his sex--had it not been for his own words, that large beard--not put on, but his own--would have left no doubt about it."
 "No; there is room for doubt.  I fear it will go hard with him.  What a pity he should infringe upon the horrid dress-laws--so handsome, too."
 "Hush, hush! you forget regulations--Captain Pantaletta would put us in irons for this," interrupted the other.
 Then their conversation turned upon social topics, in which "young Townsend," who was "going it wild," figured extensively.  This interesting, but evidently rather frolicsome, individual was further designated as "a masher," who was as fond of heshes as of wine and cards, and it was stated upon good authority that "the old governor" would pay no more gambling-debts, and had even threatened to stop the scapegrace's monthly allowance unless a budding reformation set in.
 It must have been past nine in the evening by the clock when the carriage rolled through the great street of a magnificent city.  I was left to judge of the hour rather by my vigorous appetite than by any other signs, for the country still lay bathed in serenest daylight, just as I had found it upon landing.
 At last our jehu drew rein, and then I was carefully lifted out and conveyed through a gaping and police-defying crowd to a large marble building of palatial appearance.  Once within its parian portals, with every avenue of escape cut off, an attendant applied a pungent odor to my nostrils, which in a few moments restored me to my normal condition.
 After being cautioned to refrain from speaking, I was conducted into the innermost apartments, between two rows of attendants, who stared at me with ill-concealed curiosity.
 In a sumptuous audience chamber, under a lofty canopy, stood the Shah of Sheheland, or, in other words, the President of Petticotia.  He was attired in gorgeous apparel, and attended by numerous persons of rank.  Judging from his air and superb surroundings, he might have been the emperor of a new kind of Indies.  He seemed quite youthful, and was, like all those whom I had thus far beheld, entirely beardless.  In striking contrast to the closely cropped heads about him, however, his rich, golden hair fell several inches over his shoulders--perhaps the badge of his high office--his?--or was he, too, not what his dress proclaimed him?  His height was below that of the average American.  His raiment consisted of a startling vermilion mantle, a snowy white vest, and bright blue pantaloons, all fashioned out of costly silk, satin, lace and other rich materials.  His countenance did not lack intelligence, and possessed a singular, although very un-Mars-like, charm, while his form and gait, too, were not lost upon me.
 Assuming a haughty mien, he ordered me to approach.  "Prisoner," he began, "you are charged with certain capital offenses against the people of this our mighty republic of Petticotia.  Your case should have been at once referred to the tribunal established to try crimes of this nature, were it not that there have been reported to us certain strange actions and sayings on your part, all of which it is our humor to have you explain, if possible, before you are formally committed for trial.  We have received from our most zealous Captain Pantaletta the following formal charges against you: `Firstly, the prisoner is a Heshe, unlawfully clothed in Shehe apparel; secondly, he has not only usurped the Shehe character, but upheld the obsolete distinctions of man and woman; thirdly, being a Heshe, he wears a beard in defiance of the law; fourthly, he has addressed the Shehes of company D as "gentlemen;" fifty, he has blasphemed all the Shehes of Petticotia by alluding contemptuously to the sex; sixthly and lastly, he has loaded his speeches with so many clumsy terms, that there rests upon him the suspicion of being a sorcerer from the demon-world, or a spy from some war-bent nation."  These are capital offenses, punishable with death.  What is your reply, prisoner?"
 There was doubt no longer as to the true state of affairs.  I was truly in the land of Amazons.  Here noble woman, resolved to live apart from sordid man, had built herself a republic, enacted wise laws, and devoted herself to deeds of heroism and virtue.  And yet when I looked about me, how utterly insignificant, how far from noble, seemed the majority of these apers of men.  And when I recollected the encounter of the two captains, my base treatment, and the maudlin charges preferred against me, every manly fiber in my body quivered with disgust and indignation.
 "Your excellency," I began, "I demand an immediate release and free passage to some country in which an American citizen may enforce your respectful consideration of his rights.  Fearing that I might forget that I am a gentleman, were I to defend myself in the presence of those who so evidently have forgotten that they are ladies, I prefer to say nothing further."
 "What?" she exclaimed, impatiently, "you treat with scorn our courtesy which has granted you this opportunity to be heard before you are summarily judged!"
 I bowed in mock solemnity.
 "But I command you to speak--to tell me your history--you told it to the common herd.  Come, come, account for your presence in Sheheland."
 I calmly folded my arms and bit my lip.
 "Are you mad?" she continued, goaded by my conduct.  "Do you know that this is the hand which must sign your death-warrant?"
 I showed no surprise.
 Thoroughly enraged, with eyes flashing like those of a tigress at bay, she exclaimed to the officers near at hand: "Take him and administer one hundred lashes--no, fifty--twenty-five--wait, slaves!  Take him to his dungeon; before the downy-iris twice appears the law shall have taken its course!"
 I was taken through several galleries and passages and finally thrust into my temporary prison, which to  my  surprise  proved to be a well-furnished little apartment fronting upon the presidential gardens.

  CHAPTER VI
 

General Gullible enjoys a faithful Newspaper Account of his Capture--His second Meeting with Pantaletta--The "Downy-Iris"--He is miraculously enabled to visit his Air-monarch.

 A solitary sentinel was stationed at my door with instructions to keep more than one eye upon me.  She was a curious minion of the law--small and slender, yet full of dignity in the presence of her sister guards.  There was a notable change in her manner, however, when my numerous escort [sic] had taken their departure.  From behind the bars I could see my watcher leaning against the wall and listening to the receding footfalls in the corridor.  And when the last faint echo had died away she heaved a sigh so full of anguish that it arrested even my bitter reflections.  I could not rid myself of the belief that she was weeping until she stood before my door with eyes that showed no trace of tears.  A womanly, somewhat nervous, look rested upon her face.  Once or twice she shuddered involuntarily and looked about in dread, but finally she regarded me steadfastly while a quiet smile, which I could not then interpret, stole over her pale features.
 I continued my inspection of a battle of amazons which was woven into the gaudy carpet.  A few minutes later I was aroused from my reverie by a shy tap upon my door.
 It was the guard.  Could she do anything for the heshe who had been so unfortunate as to break the dress-laws?  Would I have some gum?--or dip some snuff?--or eat confectionery?--or drink refreshing tea?--or was I hungry?
 I thanked her and declined everything, for my late indignation had carried me past hunger and thirst, certainly past such delicacies as snuff and chewing-gum.
 A short silence, a pacing to and fro, and then the tapping was repeated.  Would I be pleased to examine the evening newspapers during the hour which still intervened between day and downy-iris?
 I started--the papers?  Certainly, I would see them and be very grateful.
 Several sheets were brought and selecting the Shehe Evening Glory, which was dated at Sumar Viteneliz, the city of my captivity, I was about to reseat myself when a hand was softly laid upon my arm.  Would I confer a slight favor?
 Smiling at my inadvertent disregard of an ancient and honored custom, I plunged into my pocket for a monetary tribute.
 No; it was not that, she did not want money--she wanted to hold my hands for a few minutes.
 One who is not a thorough republican might have resented this seeming familiarity, but, remembering that I was in duty bound to respect the wishes of a lady, and that, moreover, the ceremony might be in accordance with the customs of the country, I complied.
 "The papers have lied--you are not a monster," remarked my fair petitioner, rubbing her palms against my own.  "Your kind face reminds me strangely of one who was very, very dear to me."
 "You have been thinking of him?" I ventured, in a paternal tone.
 "Yes," she replied, the sad, far-distant look returning to her eyes.  "He was a lieutenant, oh, so handsome, and I adored even the footsteps of the militia when he was on parade.  We parted fifteen long years ago.  He was a high-spirited youth, and I had imbibed silly views, imagining them to be the heaven-inspired utterances of those who were but puffed-up, egotistical--no, I forget, that would be treasonable.  Suffice it to say that in the great social revolution he fought in the ranks of the minority and, calling me his bitterest enemy, departed into exile.  I held him lightly then, but all the philosophy in the world, all the stoicism I could command, never recompensed me for my loss.  Were I not of the superior sex, I could not have lived and borne this hopeless misery so long."  She released my hand and wept.
 I extended my sympathy--could I do otherwise?  Though fallen from woman's high estate, was there not still about her little self a something which spoke of womanhood and refinement and tender sensibilities.  And now prettily she had contradicted her allusion to the superior sex by dissolving in tears.
 When I turned my attention to the Evening Glory I found in the leading position an article which struggled under the following array of head-lines:
 "A Demon's Destruction--Petticotia's Shehes again distinguish Themselves--An Infernal Monster rises out of the Atlantic--It is first sighted by vigilant Coast-Guards--Company D of the brave Fifty-Seventh Regiment intercepts its flight in Sumar Viteneliz Forest--An almost Superhuman Combat--A Brilliant Victory--A Second Monster taken Captive after still another Breathless Battle--Captain Pouter among the Slain--A Reporter's Strategy--Full Description of a Terrible Experience--Probable Execution To-morrow."
 If this was almost enough to singe my eye-brows with surprise, it was tame when compared with what followed.  After describing the frightful appearance of the Eagle, and the terror of those timid heshes who saw it emerge from the sea, the narrator told how news of its flight was telegraphed inland, and how part of the gallant Fifty-Seventh Regiment, while enjoying a holiday in Sumar Viteneliz forest, upon hearing the news, resolved to do its duty or perish.  I will quote a portion of the account:
 "The troops galloped through the forest in hot haste and surprised the aerial monster in the act of devouring some of the very choicest game-birds which this favorite resort affords.  The battle which followed was short, but decisive.  *  *  Our heroes had the satisfaction of seeing the bird-like fiend stretched stark and lifeless upon the ground.
 "But the conflict had hardly terminated when, from a grotto which suddenly opened its mouth at our feet, there came forth another being, so demon-like, that for a few moments the bravest staggered.  Even the reporter, accustomed to scenes of the most sensational order, felt a grisly horror stealing up her spinal column.  True, the Thing had assumed a human shape, but, notwithstanding its shehe garb, wore a look which betrayed an infernal origin.
 "Imagine it, gentle reader: nine feet in height, at least, with hair and beard falling in red, snake-like coils, coated with a greenish slime which spoke of wallowings in some marsh or bog.  Its eyes were as large as saucers and emitted a fierce light.  Its half-concealed ears were of that satanic pattern which, some imagine, exists only on canvas, but which, in this instance, looked for all the world like horns.  The tip of its nose seemed dipped in drunkard's red.  Its cheeks were hollow, and pale when enraged.  Its black, sinewy arms tapered off into claws such as sculptors and painters add to the lower extremities of sirens.  Woe to that which came within their grasp!  Its tremendous body rested upon a pair of legs which resembled the pillars of a heathen god.  When it advanced, earth gave forth a hollow sound.
 "To conquer this formidable adversary was the next task of the soldiery.  Riddled with balls and slashed by many a brave sabre, it only laughed us to scorn.  Several of our most daring combatants were slain, among them brave Captain Flora Pouter, whose extended obituary will be found elsewhere.  She fell fighting, like a tiger, to the last.
 "By rare good fortune one the young dragoons, whose mother is an alchemist and astrologer, had in a vial a substance distilled in accordance with directions obtained from heaven in a dream.  This vial, with a reckless disregard of life, she placed under that beacon of wrath--the enemy's nose.  In a few seconds another glorious victory perched upon the banners of the shehes.
 "Informed by the hero of the vial, whose name, the reporter learned, is Gussie de Woodville, that the snorting mountain of flesh would not stir for hours, Sergeant Pansy Jones, upon whom the command now devolved, decided to march to the nearest station and confer with her sister officers as to the description of both vanquished terrors.
 "The reporter, eager to investigate more closely the mystery of the double apparition, remained behind, entirely alone.  She watched the last wounded trooper, winding a handkerchief about a bleeding arm, disappear behind the dimly-distant shrubbery, and then proceeded with her inspection, when--horrors upon horrors!--the Thing of the fiery glances opened its eyes, grinned horribly and arose upon its haunches.  A second, a minute, two minutes of terrible suspense, and then the enemy, arising to its feet, broke the silence with a guttural `follow me!' accompanied by a movement of its claws which told, all too plainly, that to refuse would be unwise.
 "They went.
 "Earth seemed to open and swallow both.
 "Upon re-opening her eyes, the Knight of the Pencil looked from an ante-chamber into a very dark cavern.
 "`I am a king,' began the Terrible Shape, in language quite understandable, `a king--an unfortunate descendant of kings.  The tyrannous power of a government mightier than that of my fathers compelled me to seek safety in exile.  At last I herded with cannibals, but even among this untutored people royal blood will tell.  I was elected chief of a tribe and went to battle.  It was my fate to be defeated and taken captive.  By the principles of international comity in force among these nations, I should have been eaten, but my life was spared upon condition that I undergo an agony so exquisite that it usually made envious the damned.  They stripped me until I was entirely nude--although, strictly speaking, my costume had been somewhat abbreviated ere this--and amused themselves by grafting upon this body of mine, ten thousand fish-scales,' and saying this, it bared to the reporter's gaze a breast covered with large, shining scales like those of the silver-fish.
 "`I have come,' continued the Thing, `to wed the handsomest heshe in Petticotia, and you shall lead me secretly to where he gently sighs.'
 "`Shrivel this good right hand first!' thought the reporter to herself.
 "`You promise?  Ha, ha, ha!--good.  I shall spare your life.  You shall be rewarded with riches.'
 "The reporter craftily feigned assent, and, producing a flask which she usually carries during fatiguing journeys in quest of news, proposed a ratification of the compact.
 "The unearthly Thing--a libel upon the name of shehe which it claimed for itself--imbibed greedily and soon fell into a beastly stupor.
 "Dragging the enemy back to the spot where it had originally fallen, the new victor took a large stone and broke its limbs, thus effectually disabling the terror, even though it should regain consciousness."
 I had proceeded thus far when, feeling a curious sensation, as of some strange presence, I looked up and encountered a leering face, so ugly that it seemed fresh from hades.  It was that of Pantaletta.  The remainder of her body was concealed under a black cloak.
 "Oh, for still another pair of eyes that I might feast my fill!" she exclaimed, in that same tone of voice which she had used with such startling effect upon a previous occasion.
 "You are indeed a perfect specimen," she continued, "and I have come to look lovingly upon you, for you are mine--alive or dead--you cannot escape me.  Shall I set you free, like the gallant in the romance? and will you then wed me out of gratitude?--ha, ha, ha!  Or do you prefer the empty-headed fool who will weep--ye gods, weep!--when she signs the warrant for your execution, to-morrow?  She loves you--she, who will make you sport for the hangwoman's ax, tells you so in this scent-stinking missive which I am to deliver.  Oh, she did not send it by me--I bribed her messenger and came with it.  What would you give--what endure--to read these honeyed words?  But you shall not devour them except in dainty morsels--there--in bits so fine that Tantalus would not change occupations with you.  Tell her Pantaletta plucked her love-letter to shreds--tell her, and she will believe you--ha, ha, ha!"
 "Out, wretched hag--cease, and quit my sight, vile murderess!" I cried.
 She recoiled for a moment and then sprang against the bars, amazed yet furious, while she cried:
 "May the foul lie die in your throat!  I a murderess, and you my accuser?  Now may the devil--if such things there be--thirst for your soul, for you shall die!  You shall die!--I have said it, mark you--I!"
 She turned as if to go, but stopped and fell into a state of abstraction which to me closely resembled madness.  How well I remember her broken soliloquy; slowly or rapidly uttered, as the humor seized her.  She paused, then walked up and down, frowning, laughing and talking by fits and starts:
 "Do not believe him, oh jury of my peers!" she exclaimed.  "Being a heshe, he hates us all. . . Is he not an old bachelor, the butt of ridicule, the clown of the convention? . . Convention--who breathes the sacred word? . . Do not say you love us while you class us with criminals, madmen and idiots. . . Do not shehes rule in monarchies?  Why not in republics? . . I tell you, daring hands are raised to sweep from its pedestal your false idea of the shehe. . . Never fear, let them bray--I know how to play with and lash a mob, and thrust what I wish to say into their long ears. . . Who says we are disappointed wives and sour old maids?  For myself I will state that upon leaving school I had made up my mind to be a missionary, but thank heaven--if there be a heaven--courtship dispelled these ideas. . . My society was sought by the most cultivated heshes, for I seemed to have been saved from the coarseness and strenuous tones of the strong-minded shehe. . . I tell you that we are shehes of superior mental and physical organizations, and are good writers and speakers. . . I did not think that the easy chair I occupied at our last convention was to bring me so much glory, for my resolutions have since been read on the floor of Congress--mark you, on the floor of Congress. . . It is perverse and cruel to raise the cry that we are making war upon domestic life.  No, any shehe who stands on the throne of her own house, dispensing there the virtues of love, charity and peace, and sends out into the world good heshes, occupies a higher position than any crowned head. . . They say that the outpourings of all my love-element has flowed into this movement--so be it.  I would not wed, for the mind always in contact with children and servants, whose aspirations and ambitions rise no higher than the roof which shelters it, must necessarily be dwarfed. . . Yet she will be adored by the heshe--very well, the heathen may kneel before his crocodile, why should the heshe not go into rhapsodies over his cook? . . I am the better writer, she is the better critic.  She supplies the facts and I the rhetoric, and together we have made arguments which no heshe has answered.  As a much-admired friend says of us: `Both have large brains and great hearts; neither has any selfish ambition for celebrity.'  We may well be regarded as the evangels of our sex.  And yet, she became president, and why not I? . . I tell you again, these calumnies are annoying to me.  I have never for a moment affected to be anything but a shehe."
 She stopped, like a time-piece which has gradually run down, and fell forward upon her face.  Her deep and regular breathing told me she was not dead but asleep.
 I, too, became conscious of a new sensation.  It was midnight according to American time, and the downy iris--to employ the native term, in the absence of an English one--had arrived.  The air was soft and slumberous, while earth and sky were filled with a haze of seven colors which sparkled and blended with a motion that produced ravishing music.  It was a harmony of sound, not for the ear but for the eye.  Each color was a note upon the key-board of nature and beat like a great pulse, simultaneously in every quarter of the earth.  Its mission was to cause instantaneous and death-like sleep to fall upon every living thing in Petticotia.
 Strange to say, however, upon me it made no impression, save that of wonder and delight.  My organization was proof against its effects and I was not slow to profit by it.
 I had read that the American Eagle was guarded in a tent, near the palace, and determined to behold it and learn the extent of its injuries.  I found the bars of my window in an unyielding mood, but upon examining the door, to my no slight astonishment, I discovered that the lock was unfastened, intentionally or by accident, I cared not which, as I pushed open the barrier to liberty and hurried past the helpless Pantaletta.
 I had little difficulty in finding the disabled bird of freedom.  Its watchers were reclining peacefully upon their knapsacks.  Some had rather pretty countenances which would have better graced a boudoir, but the majority were sadly deficient in looks and bore unmistakable traces of dissipation.
 I noticed, with eager satisfaction, that the mysterious interior of my aerial companion had not been suspected.  Upon opening the door I found everything in excellent order.
 Had it been possible to repair the enormous injury done to its covering, and to find at once the necessary gas, I could have laughed at my captivity.  I might even have succeeded in escaping on foot; but that would have necessitated the abandonment of the air-ship, and this was out of the question.
 I meditated for some time upon a course of action.  To remain and impress the authorities with the justice of my cause was my only hope.
 The inhabitants were evidently very superstitious and any unaccountable event pointing in my favor, thought I, would certainly have some weight.
 I remembered a colossal statue of the first Shah of Sheheland which stood upon a short marble column of solid proportions, in the square, upon the right of the palace.  Its inscription boasted that so long as Petticotia existed should the statue stand.
 This proud work I determined to overthrow before the music of the downy-iris ceased.
 It is true that, like some warrior-fiend of old, sword in hand, I might have taken a royal revenge by hewing a blood-red track through the very heart of the city.  I might have applied to palace and hut alike the incendiary's torch and thus roasted the unsuspecting sleepers.  But, injured as I had been, I could not for a moment entertain atrocities like these.
 To overthrow the statue, and play an additional prank or two, would suffice.  Fortunately I had brought with me a powerful explosive prepared by one of my co-workers at home.  Its chief value lay in the fact that it did not shatter, but acted as a huge but slow propelling force.  After bringing all the science in my power to bear upon the matter, laboring until I was perspiration-drenched, I sprang my experiment.
 The explosion acted precisely in accordance with my calculations--the statue fell from the pedestal, forward upon its face, burying the upper portion of the body in the soft earth under the grass.  It made me think of Pantaletta, lying, face downward, in the corridor.
 After removing all traces of my operations, I proceeded to the tent of the American Eagle and carried the guards, one after another, to the spot, disposing them in a semi-circle about the fallen genius of their institutions.
 I also lowered a number of flags which had been raised in honor of the regiment whose captive I was, and hoisted in their stead the stars and stripes, of which glorious emblem I had a bountiful supply in the Eagle.  With the raising of the first flag of my country I took formal posession [sic] of the territory, arguing that, inasmuch as the inhabitants were fast approaching wholesale lunacy, the time could not be very far distant when they would cease to have a national existence.  The scattered remnants would be as kindly and honestly cared for by us as is our noble red man on the remnant of his native land.
 I furthermore turned back the hands of several public clocks, making them six hours behind the usual time.  Then, thoroughly exhausted by my exertions, I returned to my prison, threw myself upon my couch and fell into a profound slumber.

  CHAPTER VII.

General Gullible is summarily Tried, Convicted and Sentenced to Death--while awaiting Execution, he is comforted by a pleasing Allegory concerning the Privileges of certain Condemned Criminals.
            When I awoke it was eight o'clock, according to American time.  After paying due attention to my toilet, I sat down to breakfast with an appetite resembling that of a good church-man after Lent.
 While the new guard was supplying me with viands, I engaged her in conversation and learned, to my secret satisfaction, that the entire city had been much excited, since daybreak, over a supernatural manifestation which many regarded as an omen of terrible import.  She described to me how the great statue was found in an attitude of adoration before a strange flag which fluttered proudly in the morning breeze.  She also told me of the confusion of the guards upon awakening, of their incarceration by the authorities, as well as other interesting particulars.
 The consternation, she said, was widespread, especially among the vulgar people, who believed that evil spirits, with whom I was in league, were demanding my release.  Already there was on foot a movement favoring the removal of myself and the Eagle to some adjacent country.  The authorities, on the other hand, were highly enraged.  Captain Pantaletta had declared at roll-call that before the next downy-iris I should be executed and then all socalled manifestations and treasonable plots would cease.
 To all these things I listened gravely, but upon them made no comment.
 I was further informed that several representatives of the morning journals--which appear shortly before noon--were still in waiting, ready and eager to interview me in regard to the events with which I was so closely associated.  But I declined to see them, honored as I should have been by such attentions at home.
 At nine o'clock the sheriff's officers--stout ex-cooks and washerwomen--arrived, accompanied by an escort of soldiers, and conducted me to trial.  I was conveyed toward the department of justice, in a large vehicle which made its way with difficulty through the excited and eager multitude that thronged the streets and struggled to obtain a glimpse of the prisoner.
 The Dress Reform Court and Court of Social Ethics, before which offenders of my stamp are exclusively tried, is composed entirely of women prominent in the movement which overthrew the old social and political order in Petticotia.  The members of the judiciary form the chief aristocracy of the land.  Even the jurors rank high in society.
 When I was ushered in for trial the large court-room was densely crowded.  Upon the bench, in wrinkled and warty dignity, sat the judges, their eyes beaming with a cat-like light for criminals like myself.  Their hair was cut short at the neck.  Every member of the court wore a suit of solemn black, and a clerical collar and raven tie rested upon each white shirt-front.  Their chests were quite flat, and, had it not been for their insignificant physiques, they might have passed for a species of second-rate old men.  The jurors were dressed much after the manner of the judges, albeit a trifle less elegantly, and the same may be said of the members of the bar.
 The audience was composed mainly of the dominant sex, as the women delighted to call themselves.  I noticed that quite a number of persons, including lawyers and jurors, rolled pieces of filthy tobacco about in their cheeks, and had frequent recourse to the ill-looking cuspadors [sic] which were distributed about the room.  After my formal arraignment, learning that I had no counsel, the court assigned me a legal champion, notwithstanding my expressed desire to be allowed to defend myself, which was declared impossible under the law.
 The leader of the prosecution opened the trial with a spasmodic harrangue [sic], in the course of which she dwelt with especial emphasis upon the arrogant and unrepentant conduct which I had shown since my arrest and which I dared to continue before the very eyes of the honorable court.  She announced that scores of witnesses were present to prove the charges enumerated in the indictment.  It is not necessary to reproduce the testimony which followed; neither shall I rescue from obscurity the, to me, rather humorous remarks of my counsel in opening the defense.  My testimony, although admissible, had no weight because of its great extravagance.  "Guilty" was the only verdict which an intelligent jury could render.
 And yet my courage did not utterly forsake me.  I listened with composure to the sentence of the court, which concluded as follows:
 "It is therefore ordered that you, the prisoner at the bar, attended by spiritual advisers, be taken to the usual place of execution this afternoon at three o'clock, there and then to await the arrival of the warrant signed by her excellency, Lillibel Razmora, President of the Republic of Petticotia, Shah of Sheheland, Defender of the Shehes, Mighty Battle-Maid, etc., and, upon the arrival of such warrant, there to be decapitated until you are dead, as an example and warning to all law-breakers, and may God have mercy upon your soul."
 "The prisoner listened to his sentence with an impudent coolness that surpassed anything witnessed in this court since the trial of the arch-conspirators," said a newspaper account of the proceedings.
 Before I was again placed in charge of the sheriff's officers, I overcame my repugnance sufficiently to hold a short consultation with my counsel.  In accordance with the plan of action I had formed, I requested her to meet me, professionally, in my cell.
 Half an hour later I again found myself in that self-same abode, removed from the curious rabble which was already surging to the place of execution, all eagerness to obtain the best places from which to witness the coming trouble.
 The hour of noon having sounded, I partook of a hearty dinner, which gastronomical feat greatly impressed my guards and was duly commented upon in the public prints.
 There was one fact which appeared to me remarkable, namely, that, with the exception of the newspaper women, who were denied admittance, I had no visitors.  My treatment of the press, I must confess, brought its own punishment, for there was not a paper in Sumar Viteneliz but printed its marvelous interview with the prisoner.
 During my last hours the clergywomen, who were to attend me upon the scaffold, called for the purpose of offering me spiritual consolation, but, to their profound sorrow, found nothing to console.  I was even ungallant enough to request them to retire when my lawyer arrived.
 This legal luminary inquired, with much unction, what my pleasure might be; first apologizing, as a physician might to a dead patient, for the poor defense which she had made, in absence of all preparation.  I begged her not to mention the trifling incident, and she thereupon congratulated me upon my fortitude which, in one of my sex, she declared, was wonderful.
 I gradually unfolded to her my reasons for a private consultation.  My great desire, I stated, was to make an address to the people, before the violent death in store seized me.  This wish, I well knew, was contrary to the laws in the case provided, and, should the authorities fly at the throat of free speech, I was anxious to have the assurance that the populace would sustain me in my effort.  If a sufficient number of spectators could be induced to manifest a desire that I be heard, and persist in it with the animation of organized applauders at the theater, I would be certain of a hearing.
 Madame Belvidere hesitated a moment, and then frankly acknowledged that, although the time was short--she might say, very short--no doubt those who would with reasonably proper spirit cry, "Hear the heshe!"  "Free speech!"  "Go on!" and the like, could be secured in sufficient numbers to carry the multitude--were the expense provided for.
 I at once advanced enough gold to compensate a hundred shehes for the wear and tear of their throats and lungs, and, after paying the fee for my defense, promised twice the sum if our plan succeeded.
 Assurance beamed from the countenance of the lawyer, when she prepared to take her leave.
 "There is another question I desire to ask you," I remarked, arresting her exit.  "Can you explain why so few persons have visited me during my imprisonment?  Is there no curiosity here regarding those who are under sentence of death?"
 "Ah, my dear client," smiled Madame Belvidere, drawing a cigar from her vest-pocket and buttoning her coat in a very deliberate manner, "I am afraid that you are becoming acquainted with the utter wretchedness of the prisoner found guilty in the Dress Reform Court.  As such the strong arm of the law allows no ray of common sympathy to reach you.  To commiserate you would be to share in your guilt.
 "Were you a prisoner of another kind--had you, let us say, poisoned a heshe for stealing away the affections of your favorite lord and master, the case would not be half so gloomy.  If found guilty in the Oyer and Terminer, there would still be hope--in fact, the jurors of that court not unfrequently [sic] recommend to mercy those whom they reluctantly find guilty.  At the worst, after a few months of sumptuous jail-life, a new trial is generally ordered or the death-sentence commuted to life-imprisonment.  The beheading of your sex--the weaker sex--is not looked upon with general favor, and, therefore, you might well afford to be cheerful.
 "But better still," continued Madame Belvidere, helping herself to a match with which to light her cigar, after ascertaining that I did not object to smoking, "were you one of my sex; a strong, muscular, healthy shehe.  Had you, as such, during a frenzy endangered by inebriation, stabbed your so-called better half to the heart, and severed the heads of your little children from their quivering bodies, your punishment would be even less hard to bear.  True, in the excitement attendant upon the discovery of your deed, public sentiment would favor your immediate extermination.  But the law is merciful in its slowness.  Many months must necessarily elapse before you are tried.  If you feign insanity in time and are acquitted, the majesty of the law is vindicate.  You need not fear the insane asylum; its gloomy cells were not made for such as you.  But should a stony-hearted jury find you guilty of murder in the first degree--it is  a curious fact that occasionally juries have no regard for the feelings of even a wealthy malefactor--a shudder runs through the community.  Heaven and earth are moved to secure your pardon.  Clergyshehes will pray, as if for a wager, that your valuable life may be spared.  The inferior sex--I beg pardon--the heshes, will flock to your ornamented cell and tender you the sympathy of the city.  You think of the dark ages in which that creature known as man--can I, in breathing the hateful word, rely upon your silence?--selfishly appropriated all these privileges and pronounced us, the shehes, incapable of enjoying them, and you are proud because our hour of triumph has arrived.  You experience religion and find that death has lost its sting.  The press records the precious words which fall from your lips and even delights to describe the costly viands, wines and cigars you consume.  If your crime be an especially mysterious one, a celebrated singer may be found who, unmindful of the advertisement which it would bring him, will warble for your benefit and secure you the means for still another trial.  Should it happen that the governor of your province, in the unregenerated state of her heart, refuses to pardon one who sent a loving partner and little ones to heaven, her political enemies must open fire and assign petty reasons for her decision.  If all this avails not, if a better world is hungering for your cheerful presence, then, forgiving all who have wronged you and expressing a generous hope to meet them hereafter, you go to the beheading-block, half-smothered by bouquets, a martyr in the claws of justice and the admired of all."
 "Madame," said I, when she stopped to re-light her neglected roll of tobacco, "you are rather clever in weaving pretty romances, but, of course, you do not expect me to believe them."
 The lawyer smiled, assured me solemnly that she had not told me half, fearing to make envious, puffed vigorously at her cigar, and departed, saying:  "`As happy as a condemned murderer,' will be among the proverbs of the next generation--take my word for it."
  CHAPTER VIII.

General Gullible is solemnly escorted to the Beheading Block--He succeeds in obtaining a Hearing before the Multitude--Wrath of Smilax, the Executioner.

 The procession which escorted me to execution was a solemn spectacle.  First came a triumphal car, containing a band of female musicians.  It was drawn by four jet black horses, each nodding a sable plume.  Next came a carriage containing but one occupant.  It was the executioner and her name, I was told, was Smilax.  She was dressed in black and red, and beside her upon a cushion, rested the dread implement which told her calling.  The third carriage, also drawn by four black horses, was for myself, the high sheriff and the clergy.  Directly over my head, upon a canopy, hovered the image of an offended goddess of justice in male attire, her drawn sword emblematic of my fate.  The judges of the Dress Reform Court, devoured by a holy zeal to witness the speedy death of so defiant an offender, followed behind me and were in turn followed by the mayor and other city officials.  Mounted guards and police, vieing [sic] with each other in importance, rode on either side of my carriage.
 Before reaching our destination, the musicians played a cheerful, not to say, hilarious, waltz.  The leader, acting upon the theory that contrasts are most effective, argued that this selection would, by reason of its association with other scenes now forever past for the condemned, awaken more genuine sadness than the best dead march ever blown from wind instruments.  Whatever the final effect produced upon myself, I felt greatly relieved when the music drowned the exhortations of the clergywomen, which I had endured in respectful silence.
 Arriving upon President's Square, where many a poor wretch had provided bloody sport for the shuddering, yet eager crowd, the dignitaries of the procession were shown to raised seats in the rear of the scaffold, while Smilax, the clergy and myself, were left to figure prominently in the foreground.
 The executioner's face was entirely concealed by a tightly-fitting mask.  At first her form seemed masculine to me, but a stride or two, an unstudied movement of the hand, brought to my mind another likeness.  Her height was that of Pantaletta.  Leaning lightly upon the handle of her blood-thirsty ax, she scanned me with a look of burning, almost fiendish, expectancy.  I returned her glances with a look of haughty indifference and turned my attention to the sea of faces before me.
 Now, for the first time, I had an opportunity to observe with care, a species of Petticotians with whom I was not yet familiar.  Although their garb proclaimed them women, their large, awkward forms were unmistakably those of what had once been men.  They were the heshes, the inferior and conquered sex of Petticotia, with whom I was legally classed.
 They were largely represented in the audience, and their ridiculous, yet gaudy apparel, gave to the scene a not altogether unpicturesque effect.  The elder heshes, those of the grave, coarse features, conversed with the animation of veteran gossips.  The middle-aged listened to the remarks of their domestic lords or soothed an unruly infant, here and there.  The unmarried studied the effects of the latest fashions or cast coquettish glances at their pantaloon-wearing neighbors.  Boys under sixteen years of age were quite at ease in dresses, having during their short lives known no other kind of garment.  The adults wore hip and breast pads to a man, in obedience to the nefarious dress laws.  Their hair was worn in knots or curls all natural deficiencies being supplied by the hair-dressers.  Continual shaving, and hair eradicators, kept all beards at bay.  Rings adorned the fingers of the new fair sex, and chains, charms, beads and other ornaments, glistened about their throats.  Fans and dainty handkerchiefs fluttered in the breeze.  Every gentleman--if I may apply so foreign a word--was unhappy unless his dress was made in the height of fashion.
 It made my heart ache to witness these results of the gigantic war upon nature in which the judge had gloried during her charge to the jury.  I felt hot tears rolling from my eyes upon my cheeks, but controlled my emotion when I noticed the satisfaction with which my weeping was regarded by the divines on my right and left.
 The high sheriff, after arranging the preliminaries of the tragic act, came forward and, in solemn words, announced to the people my crimes and the penalty awaiting me upon the arrival of the messenger bearing the death-warrant signed.
 I knew that the crisis had arrived.  I arose in my bonds and, after bowing as best as I could to those in authority, announced in ringing tones that, inasmuch as it was the privilege of the condemned in all civilized countries to place upon record their parting words, I desired to address myself briefly to the people.
 The judges grew apoplectic with rage upon hearing this, and the sheriff ordered several brawny underlings to seize me and apply the gag.  Before this command could be obeyed, however, a shehe in the audience arose and, in a chivalrous voice, cried out, "A hearing, a hearing for the heshe!"
 This was the signal agreed upon, and a hundred, then a thousand, throats echoed the sentiment.
 Madame Belvidere had succeeded even better than I had dared to hope.  So general was the popular demonstration in my favor that the majesty of the law stood appalled and powerless, and I was allowed to give utterance to my long pent-up feelings in a manner which I never again expect to equal.
 I was not only pleading for the rights of foreigners and for my life, but for science and for the discovery of the Pole.  So spontaneous and impassioned was my speech that I could not reproduce it from memory were I inclined to do so.  Suffice it to say that, after plainly stating my case, I brought forward numerous arguments, showing the unjustness af [sic] my conviction and branding my proposed execution as a murder.  After detailing the proofs of my citizenship which were in my possession, I advanced with much vigor the claim that a person while abroad was by no means obliged to adopt customs and habits not acknowledged in his or her native land.  This was conceded everywhere save in Petticotia.  Who, for instance, I asked, would brand me as a traitor if I refused to throw up my hat and exclaim "God save the Queen!" in England?  Or, being a Protestant, who would hurl an anathema at me in Italy for refusing to kiss the Pope's toe?  Who, in Turkey, would dare to punish my wife for failing to conceal her face? or condemn her, in Japan, to dye her teeth black?  Would the Chinese assassinate me, if I neglected to wear a pig-tail? or should I be obliged, even among the South Sea Islanders, to file my teeth and go naked?
 During the latter portion of my address I brought to the foreground the vision of an outraged nation lashing herself into fury upon learning the fate of her slaughtered explorer.
 The heavens grew black--distantly rumbled the deep artillery, while glittering hosts in battle array marched to the music of the gathering storm.  The army of my country, a vast apparition of destruction, poured into Sheheland.  Our navy, the admiration and terror of nations, filled the seas and steered, laden with iron death, toward the doomed shores of Petticotia.
 The storm burst.  Devastation and grinning Carnage walked in rivers of blood.  Shaking their purple-dyed hands, they gloried in their work, while the prayers of the dying and the curses of the wounded mingled in the air.
 The clouds disappeared.  The sun shone down upon myriads of skeletons which lay bleaching upon the battle plains--shone down upon dyspeptic vultures which winged their lazy flight to the mountains.
 Where now was the nation that had delighted to insult an American citizen?  Who remained to answer?
 I earnestly besought them to weigh well the events of the last downy-iris.  The genius of American liberty had spoken and would, if necessary, avenge my death.
 The masses resembled a storm-lashed ocean when I ceased.  With one accord their voices were for my deliverance.  One impetuous shehe proposed that I should at once be conducted to the frontier.
 The judges of the Dress Reform Court, with uplifted arms, implored heaven's immediate vengeance upon so ungrateful a people.  Smilax glared at me with the fury of a wild beast, ready to spring.
 In the midst of the tumult a messenger, mounted upon a fleet charger, burst into view.
 A mighty hurrah went up from the multitude.  Never before had the warrant arrived upon a milk-white horse.
 When the rider delivered the fateful document it was found torn into four fragments and lacking the presidential signature.
 For the first time during her official career, the chief magistrate had exercised her pardoning power, and I was saved.
 The shehe citizens waved their hats and cheered.  The heshes wept, they knew not why.
 The judges, blinded with rage, commanded the officers to arrest all those who had expressed sympathy for me and thereby made themselves amenable to law.  This had the effect of immediately dispersing the mob.
 Contrary to my expectations, however, I was not released.  Still in chains and powerless, they once more conveyed me to the palace.

  CHAPTER IX.
General Gullible is confined in more commodious Apartments--His curious Commutation of Sentence--He is honored with a Visit by a
Lovely Apparition--The President of Petticotia in a New Pole.

 Still treated as a prisoner, I was confined and closely guarded in a quarter of the palace which had been assigned to me by special command of the President.  My prison consisted of a suite of rooms to which all that modern luxury and refined taste could devise, lent its enriching presence.
 Looking from my windows, upon the one hand I had a view of the park with its shady walks, its trees and merry songsters, its fountains and playful fishes, its miniature lakes and dancing pleasure-boats; upon the other I could observe at leisure, the numerous mansions, half hidden by rows of stately trees, or the ever-changing streets with their gorgeous equipages and curious people.
 All this delighted me very little when I remembered how unjustly I was detained, and how intense was my desire to repair my air-ship and set sail once more.
 Upon the morning following, after I had eaten a liberal breakfast, information arrived that I was soon to appear before the judges of the Dress Reform Court who had arrived and were holding a conference with the President in another part of the palace.
 When I was ushered into their august presence, the senior Judge received me with a vinegar smile, and informed me without excess of ceremony, that I was indebted to a tender-hearted and most merciful executive for the fact that justice had been defeated--no, she would not say defeated, but rather compelled to accept less than its due.  She added that I was summoned to listen privately to the sentence of the court, as amended by her excellency's interposition:
          "Firstly, That, as a heshe, the prisoner cut off and remove continually all that capillary growth covering the lower regions of his face, commonly known as beard and mustache.
 "Secondly, That he allow the hair upon his head to grow unchecked by artificial means.
 "Thirdly, That he put off all shehe clothing and wear the raiment prescribed for heshes.
 "Fourthly, That he undergo an imprisonment, in such place as her excellency may provide and with such restraint as may be deemed wise for the period of ten years."
 I looked upon them with an astonishment which rapidly changed to wrath.  I refused emphatically to accept the terms so maliciously imposed upon me.  As an American citizen, who had committed no wrong, I reiterated all my former demands and warned those who conspired against my liberty, that for every new indignity heaped upon me, justice in full should be demanded.
 The judges were ready, even eager, to reciprocate my anger and adopt harsher measures, but the President, whose gaze had been fixed upon me during the entire proceedings, again acted the part of mediator.  Undoubtedly, the worthy heshe, General Gullible, was a little hasty in his declaration, she ventured to remark.  She suggested that time be given him for reflection and a final decision.  Doubtless, ere many days elapsed, he would appreciate the wisdom and leniency of the court and comply with the very moderate requirements of the law.
 The judges finally acquiesced in this, and I was remanded to my gilded cage, in which I passed the next three days in uncontrollable anguish, refusing to take food and seeing no one.
 I laid many plans for my escape.  Were it possible, thought I, to visit the American Eagle each night, I might be enabled to repair it gradually.  When downy-iris came, I tried each door, but not one yielded.  Escape from the windows was also impossible, my location being in an upper story, nearly one hundred feet from the ground.  True, I might have torn a large quantity of bed-clothing, curtains and tapestries into strips and descended upon a rope improvised from the same, but this, alas, would have led to certain detection after the first night's exploit.  Then, too, my ability to remain awake during the hours of the downy-iris might have been betrayed, and this knowledge it seemed desirable to keep to myself.
 I finally resolved to enlist the active sympathies of one of the male attendants whom the President had detailed to wait upon me.
 I engaged him in a friendly, not to say familiar, conversation and gradually assured him of the deep concern I felt in his fate, and that of his brethren.  Basely robbed of their manhood and their rightful place in the economy of nature, I could not help but pity them.
 This caused him to blush rather unnecessarily and to remark that, begging my pardon, they were not fallen persons, by any means.  Although but poorly paid servants, they were as respectable as the finest heshe who commanded in his drawing-room.
 Said I to him: "I am sorry that you should have misconstrued the meaning of my remarks.  I regard as fallen all those who, although born to represent a sturdy manhood in male attire, are found in women's dress, imitating every conceivable folly of the weaker sex and losing every grace peculiar to their own.  As a man I deplore the misfortune which has befallen you, and I cannot but hope for the speedy emancipation of both man and woman from the degradation into which they have fallen.
 "Oh, hush--pray, say no more," implored the terror-stricken wretch.  "It is wrong for you to make such statements, and I, too, shall be brought before the Dress Reform Court and forever disgraced, if I listen you.  Be careful, for your own sake, for you are in the greatest danger while wearing those--those thing!" blushing again and pointing to my nether garments.
 "What!" I cried, "the men, too, have turned traitors to their sex?  Oh, shame, shame, shame!"  I walked the floor like a roused lion and ground the costly carpet under my heel.
 The miserable piece of effeminacy entreated me to conquer my unheshelike passion.  The heshes were all resigned to the far easier and better state to which their sex had been elevated and why should not I likewise be contented?  If I knew what favors lay in store for me, he felt certain, I would act quite differently.
 Instead of replying I caught the creature up in my strong arms and threatened to hurl him headlong to the pavement below, unless he consented to aid me in regaining my liberty.  If he promised I would enrich him.  I had before departing from home liberally supplied myself with gold, and this the natives readily accept, while they regard the paper currency of an unknown country with contempt.
 With pale, trembling lips, while great drops of fear stood upon his brow, he said, "Murder me if you will not be merciful, for I cannot, I dare not, aid you.  If you escape a tenfold more terrible fate awaits us all, for we are hostages for your safekeeping."
 Baffled, I released him as I might a loathsome toad, while the poor object of my contempt, unable to endure my looks, burst into tears and fled.
 Following closely upon his exit came a female messenger from the President, who, after bowing as gracefully as her unnatural costume would allow, stated that her excellency kindly inquired after my health and sincerely hoped that I had recovered from my indisposition.  She further trusted that I had at last decided to accept the provisions of my sentence and regretted exceedingly that affairs of state, Congress being in session, prevented her from paying her respects in person at this hour.
 It was late in the afternoon when I started from a reverie into which I had fallen, after glancing over a profusion of books, magazines and other insipid literature, written by the dominant sex and conforming to the new social order.
 My attention was attracted by a tall, wiry-looking man, dignified in spite of his unbecoming dress, who passed by under the shade-trees opposite and turned several times to shake his clinched hand at the palace.  All the shehes who passed him lifted their hats respectfully; although he did not deign to notice their salutations, they seemed to take no offence.
 My curiosity was aroused by his strange behavior, and yet the deference shown him argued that he was not mad.  I waved my handkerchief as a signal, hoping to attract his attention and establish communication between us; but, to my deep regret, he disappeared from view without making an answering sign.
 It was evening ere I was again aroused from my abstraction.  The luscious fruits, accompanied by a bouquet of sweet-smelling blossoms, which found their way each day to a dainty table near me, still angled in vain for recognition, when an attendant announced a visitor and retired.
 Stepping into the parlor, which, with its furniture, pictures and other appointments, would have delighted the heart of a modern belle, I awaited the coming ordeal, my expectations divided between the odious Dress Reform judges and the tall, nervous heshe who might, after all, have noticed my flag of distress.
 Great was my amazement, therefore, when I beheld the being whom my guards admitted and who now advanced toward me with a half-triumphant smile upon her lips--for it was a woman--not an exaggerated female in men's attire, but a woman in the glory of her radiant self, dressed in all a woman's splendor.  I shall not soon forget the impression made upon me by this oasis of loveliness in a desert of ugliness.  She was so wondrously fair that for a few moments I seemed dreaming the dream of some happy lover who has beheld his beau ideal.  Her head was adorned with a shower of hair, which, like Juno's in the Iliad,

 "Pale on her head in shining ringlets rolled,
  Part o'er her shoulders waved like melted gold."

Her large eyes danced merrily in her glowing countenance.  Her figure, lithe and graceful, was enveloped in a bewilderingly pretty dress, while jewels glistened upon her delicate white throat, her ears and fingers.
 Thus for a moment she stood, and, womanlike, enjoyed my astonishment.  Then she broke out into a peal of musical laughter and said:
 "Pardon me, but, fearing to shock our esteemed guest in private as I did upon the occasion of our first meeting in public, when he disdained to answer one who had forgotten to be ladylike, I deemed it best to call in a guise which, I am led to hope, will shield the wearer from his displeasure."
 It was the President of Petticotia.
 "May I hope that you will not consider my coming an intrusion?" she continued.  "I deferred my visit as long as I possibly could, but my patience would not tide me over another day."
           I begged her to be seated, assuring her that it was by no means an intrusion, and that it was quite unnecessary to apologize to one who, even were he free, would not allow it from a lady.  "Ladies," said I, "are always welcome in the society of civilized men."
 She bowed and thanked me, evidently flattered despite the unlawful words I employed.  Then she inquired after my health and deplored the fact that I was giving myself up to melancholy, when all the world was happy and I might be likewise.  She begged of me to be more liberal in my sentiments and to accommodate myself to the customs of her country by yielding a trifling point here and there.  "`When you are in Sumar Viteneliz," said she, "`do as the Sumar Vitenelizians do'--that is a good saying.  I would have you go into society and be amused as well as lionized.  The capital would be at your feet for the bravery which you--one of the weaker sex, as they call it--have so lately displayed.  Your fame has gone to the remotest parts of the land and scores of our senators and representatives have expressed a warm desire to meet you.  Why will you, therefore, mope in silent grandeur and debar me from the pleasure and honor of introducing you to the bright side of life?  You must see Sumar Viteneliz and study its better classes, and then you will learn to love the dear, gay city, even as I do, and forget your queer notions of propriety.  You will then agree with me that customs should suit the people, not people the customs."
 "The President of Petticotia forgets," I replied, "that if her so-called guest prefers to mope in silent grandeur it is thrust upon him quite against his will."
 "True," said she, "but with whom lies the fault?  The hateful old heads of the Dress Reform Court are worrying me, day after day, for news of your compliance with the law.  They are all confirmed heshehaters.  Few of their class have ever been married, and those who were so fortunate have been, with few exceptions, childless or unhappy in their family relations.  Thus their milk of human kindness is somewhat soured and they are relentless where heshes and the law are concerned.  I do not love them, by any means, but they are necessary, and the laws are necessary, or how could the wheels of government be kept in motion?"
 I could not imagine by what gigantic motor the wheels of Petticotia's government were moved at all.  I could not see, in the existing state of affairs, how they managed to have any wheels of government, or even a plain government without wheels; for I felt certain that at home we would have anarchy and terrorism, were the union subjected to a similar strain--all this in private, however.  Aloud I contented myself with expressing my candid opinion of the Dress Reform tribunal and its worthy judges.
 "Pray do not condemn them too roundly--they are but what society has encouraged them to become," said the President, after listening in silence.  "And now let us converse upon subjects which will not anger you.  Then she requested me to tell her about the country from which I professed to come.  Were its shehes beautiful?--more beautiful than herself, even as she was dressed now?  She inquired also if all our heshes were as high-spirited as was I, and asked a great many other questions, all of which I politely and good-humoredly answered.
 And thus she continued for several days, visiting me each evening when at leisure, bearing me company at supper, and listening greedily to my recitals when I consented to picture to her the glories of my native land.  Each evening she was differently arrayed--once it would be simple white, then a rich shade of blue, or trailing cream-color.  And, curiously enough, she declared herself greatly relieved by this change from the uncomfortable garments which the law assigned to her sex.  Each day, too, she brought me a token of esteem, as she called it, consisting of the latest publications, flowers, jewelry, or bric-a-brac; and one day there arrived, in some mysterious manner, a set of shining razors with which I almost felt tempted to cut my throat when I remembered the degrading custom at which they hinted.
 Razors, I was informed by an officious attendant who brought my luncheon and eyed everything in the apartments with greedy curiosity, were very appropriate love-tokens.  A case of half-a-dozen was most fashionable, as there was one for each day in the week, excepting Sunday, and on that day no one who pretended to any piety would be found shaving.  Nor was their use any longer confined to the heshes, he continued.  The shehes, too, would be required to use them when the amendment to the social ethics laws was adopted, and many were already cultivating their fields of down in the hopes of raising beards at an early day.  Were artificial mustaches not so uncomfortable, he ventured to assert, the looks of the shehes would have been vastly improved long ere this.
 I stopped the fellow's flow of language and bade him to understand that nothing which was brought to these rooms by her excellency must be spoken of as a present to me.  She was at liberty to remove all her property from any part of the palace to another, if she desired to do so.  Whereat he clasped his hands in affected horror and marveled how I could mistake her excellency's intentions; and how I could find it in my heart to refuse the beautiful presents, such as all the shehes made to those of whom they were enamored.
 One evening the President was playing a romantic air upon the piano which occupied a corner of the parlor, while I sat at the window, building the thousandth plan for the restoration of the Eagle and my escape.
 Seized with a sudden whim she came to my side and reproached me for not listening.
 "I was listening as well as thinking, your excellency," I replied.
 "Thinking of what?  Why will you always think?" she asked, half-petulantly.  "Still of your flying-bird or some fair shehe in America whom you despair of seeing again--tell me, is there such a shehe there who claims your love?  Or are you thinking of complying with the prayer of one who sincerely wishes your happiness--your release from this irksome confinement?"
 "I am thinking that if your barbarous government does not right my wrongs ere long, I may go mad and, leaping from this window, end it all," said I, with an energy that caused her eyes to dilate.
 "Yes," I continued, "men have been burned to ashes for their principles; they have gladly died for liberty.  Were it not that I owe my country a service which cannot be accomplished through blood, I would long since have met death in fighting for my manhood."
 "Oh do not," she pleaded, "pray do not speak  of death--you , who are so beautiful in your god-like defiance, are made to live and, by your gentler qualities, give happiness to others.  Let me entreat you to be reasonable.  What signifies it if, for a few years, you relax your American prejudices a little?  After that you are free and will forget it all like a dull masquerade upon a rainy afternoon.  You will return home and tell your countrymen of the cruel wrongs you suffered, and they, not knowing with what sadness of heart one added her persecutions to your weight of woe, will comfort you and curse me and my people.
 "Do I pain you?  Shall I cease?  Then please, oh, please, let us make a compromise, whereby you will be enabled to walk out and enjoy the glorious air and iris-light.  Then the color will come back to your cheeks, you will find life a much less heavy burden.
 "What if you thereby make a slight sacrifice?  Have not I, too, made sacrifices during the past week--all for you, although I have won no appreciation, not even a notice of the fact, from you.  Have I not stolen here in disguise, unlawfully attired, in order to hear you speak to me? for I knew you were in earnest on that fatal day my eyes first fell upon you, when you scornfully refused to converse with me because I was wearing the dress of my country.  Am I not in accordance with the laws which I am sworn to enforce, even now unsexed in apparel?  Do I not tremble when I think how easily the hirelings whom I must trust, may betray me?  But what is that to you?  Were I, the chief magistrate of the republic, impeached and condemned to death for it, what would it matter?  Alas, why should it matter to you, who did not invite this trial of my recklessness?  But it is thus with the privileged sex, the world over--we toil, we labor, and grow weary in our efforts to please them; we use diplomacy, we run risks, and we fail.  But what am I saying?--What possesses my tongue?  I did not come to reproach you, oh, beautiful heshe--I have spoken heedlessly and crave pardon.
 "And why are you so handsome--so like an angel from another world, and why must I love you so vainly?--for I love you dearly, more than I can express in poor, weak words--more than my soul's salvation; and if I could win your love thereby, I would gladly beard destruction like the gallant knights of old, who did battles for their sweethearts.  And if I could win it in no other way--much as I dread dissolution--I would die to accomplish it and know you all mine for one brief day!  Forgive me for thus unburdening my heavy-laden heart, for I can bear the anguish of silence no longer.  I lay my presidency--all that I possess of honors or riches--at your feet; share them with your devoted slave and speak but one kind word in order that her pain may be turned to joy.  Oh, that I was less awkward and unskilled in pressing my suit; but you know that my heart, my whole soul, is in my pleading, for I love you, love you--yes, adore you!"
 "Madame, my dear madame, this is extraordinary--this passes all human belief!"  I exclaimed, mastering my consternation sufficiently to interrupt her rhapsody.
 "You must not be surprised and angry with me, cruel, cruel American, for when I put on these robes was it not only to pander to your prejudice?  Did I lay aside, with the proper dress of my sex, the right to ask in marriage?"
 "As it is not leap year, I am at loss to comprehend from whence you derive your so-called right," I replied.  "No, as a man of family, I must not allow your excellency to persist in this madness.  You, too, may be subject to another's claim.  Consider, therefore, that you speak that which, in your calmer moments, you will shrink from as folly, if not wickedness, such as is altogether unexpected from a woman of your exalted position."
 "Oh, no, no, no; it is not wicked--it cannot be--I will not have it so!" she continued, bursting into tears, "and you must not say so and break my heart.  You have only to become accustomed to it and you, too, will deem it proper that the heshes should listen to the wooing of the shehes.  And as to the claims of another--there are none, never were any, never shall be.  I am as free as the bird of the air to love you, and why, then, should I not ask you to wed me?  I have loved my freedom and should have remained a bachelor to my dying day had not the image of my dreams appeared before me in flesh and blood.  I marry another?--I seek a consort among the degenerate puppies of Petticotia?  No!  Much as I love my country and her laws, I cannot love her heshes--I hate, I abhor them, for angling for me.  They are not--not what one wants: and you are, for you are like the heroes of the old books which I saved from the public burnings, and that is partly why I tremble and love you.  You must not drive me to despair as heartless Naasee did poor Iris-Eye--poor, wronged Iris-Eye, who had an empire to command but could not command the heshe of her heart!  And, dearest love, do not, oh do not, again say that you are already married--or say the heshe [sic] who claims you is not handsome and you do not care for her.  If she be beautiful, say she does not love you--she cannot, or how could she allow you, her hero, to depart from her side?  And if I thought it were even so, that you are wedded elsewhere, and that on that account you would not wed me also, as the laws of Petticotia permit you to do, I would make a funeral pyre of this palace and perish as did poor Iris-Eye; and you should not escape, though you were twice as strong as you are!  But I must not talk thus.  Let me entreat you to say but one sweet word and all these dark brain-pictures will abate their torture.  Say you will be mine--save me from despair--bid Lillibel Razmora hope and live."
 "I beg  of  your excellency, let us terminate this scene.  It is painful, I may say, humiliating to me to see womanhood dragged thus low in the dust before my eyes.  I will retire to another apartment and allow you to regain your self-possession," and thus saying I prepared to leave her.
 "Oh, no, no, no!  Stay and do not spurn me from you with contempt, or I know not what I shall do!" she moaned piteously.  "Heavens, I am not at all myself.  Ah, how this thing called love unnerves me!  Leave me and I shall at once let loose the horrid hags of the Dress Reform Court, upon us both--no, I do not mean it!  Come, you know I am but jesting.  I am becoming a very woman, as you would say--I shall grow hysterical for the first time in my life if you do not sit down and allow me to hold your hand in mine and think the love I dare not utter!"
 She had grown still more beautiful in her excitement.  Her breath came and went in flutters; a deeper carnation suffused her cheeks; her eyes were brimming over with tears, and altogether she was a woman for whose hand the proudest of lovers in my country would sue as earnestly as she did for mine.  I deplored the fate which had brought us together, but notwithstanding my pity for her, every drop of blood in my veins revolted at her principles--or rather her lack of principles--her acquiescence in the accursed design to make women of men, and men of women.
 She had gently detained me and seated herself on an ottoman at my feet.  Looking up out of the depth of her great, liquid-gray eyes, her lips quivering and an indescribable sadness in her voice, she asked: "And will you not even be my friend? or as a father to me, for mine has long since ceased to be mine; and I have no mother, for she is dead; and no true friends with whom to be natural and unaffected as I can with you.  Kiss me and call me friend, daughter, what you will--but kiss me!"
 Could I refuse compliance when she begged of me in that childlike fashion, with not one trace of the man-woman in her beseeching looks?  Was it wrong that I touched her forehead with my lips?--alas, she wound her arms about my neck as I stooped, and kissed me in return--hungrily and greedily, but not upon the forehead.
 "You love me!  You love me at last, do you not?" she cried; "Oh, confess it and I am in heaven!"
 This may strike the sensible American citizen as highly ridiculous, if not disgusting--this throwing away of excellency to a mere stranger, to one who, with less Pilgrim blood and Puritan honor in his veins might then and there have made himself a villain.  But ye who wonder at her of Petticotia's infatuation for me, a man, although of passable appearance, yet not far from twice her age, recollect that after fifteen years of thralldom there remained among her people not a serf worthy of the name of man, upon whom to lavish the love of an overflowing heart.  Hers was but a partly stifled nature; she was, in defiance of all the laws of Petticotia, still a woman.
 "Pardon me," I said in a quiet tone of voice, unwinding her arms.  "I have kissed you because you requested it as might my eldest child at home.  Take it as such and let us be friends, if we must.  I am your prisoner and powerless to forbid your entrance here."
 Taking comfort in even so slight an assurance she smiled, kissed my hand in spite of my remonstrance, and arose to depart, when, suddenly recollecting something, she said:
 "Dearest General, in my selfish anxiety I have forgotten to inform you that Professor Dixit and her associates in science have this day begun operations upon your wonderful flying-monster."
 I started as one thunderstruck.  "What!" I exclaimed, "upon my property--upon the American Eagle?  How dare they!  Let me go at once and disperse the cowardly curs, the robbers, the vandals!"
 "Pray, pardon me, I am so sorry," said her excellency, alarmed at my anger.  "But they have only made a preliminary survey, and do not begin the work of dissection until to-morrow."
 "Dissection!" I almost yelled, "I must go at once and warn them to attempt it at their peril.  Dissect the Eagle--my last hope--never!"
 "And you shall go, and I will help you to save your property," said the President.  "Were it in my power you should go attired as you are.  But that cannot be as the final decree of the court, after I have prevented the execution of a death-sentence, is fixed and unalterable.  There remains nothing but to yield enough to satisfy the letter of the law.  Farewell, therefore, and rest in peace.  Early to-morrow morning I shall have all in readiness."
 And thus saying, she disappeared.
  CHAPTER  X

General Gullible sacrifices his Apparel upon the Altar of his Country--He celebrates his Deliverance from Prison by a Descent upon Professor Dixit and her Fellow-Scientists--His Meeting with the Tall, Proud-looking Heshe who shook his Hand at the Palace.

 King Richard in his tent, tortured by the ghosts of his victims, could not have passed a much more miserable night than this, thought I, upon awakening next morning.  In truth I had not been so perturbed in spirits since the memorable failure which once robbed me of fortune and parents at one remorseless blow.
 Through many sleepless hours, until the color-lightning was beginning to wane, the struggle with myself and my pride had continued.  Then came victory and rest.  My devotion to the achievement, which was to secure for the land of my birth the glory of first discovering the North Pole, had triumphed.  The American Eagle must be preserved at all hazards: that was my conclusion.  However low I might be compelled to degrade my manhood, if placed upon the altar of my country it would be sacrifice, not sin.
 I was quite calm, therefore, when the President was announced.  She came, attired in official costume, and her countenance bespoke great anxiety.
 "Ah, good morning," she said, smiling as she beheld my air of resignation.  "I am glad to find General Gullible so nearly reconciled to his terrible fate--terrible only in the anticipation.  Shall we proceed with the work of transformation?"
 I bowed and replied that I was ready, still scrutinizing her appare